Shadows
I will do my best to erase you, even though I know that’s impossible. I will replace the outline of your memory with various dreams, even though I know they will be fuzzy with the trace of you. You no longer have a claim here; except for when it rains, or when a song mentions night conversations, or when I grab a cup of coffee. Or if I go for a long drive. You will be there and I will no longer know which version of you I can trust. You’ve ruined flowers in every color. Cardigans of any texture. My laugh for weeks to come. I can’t see myself in pictures or in the pieces I’ve written in the last 6 months because they all have your fingerprints on them. I question my humor, my taste, the way my lips mimic the words I thought you meant. Only now do I realize you never said them out loud. Only in secret. You may never know how hurtful that is, but I hope you can reckon with the fact that you made someone who cared about you hurt in a way they can’t explain. If you ever find the space to remember this, I hope you find forgiveness. Hope you are at peace with who you were and what he taught you. She was there too and I know she can forgive you both.